High Value Men, Sprinkle Sprinkle, and 50/50: Why People Talk About Dating Instead of Actually Doing It

Why is everyone obsessed with the subject of dating and dating preferences?

Why are there so many men vs. women podcasts?

Why are we popping balloons in warehouses?

A Timeline:

2012 - Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man

Y’all remember this moment in time?  This was my first exposure to dating discourse.  Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man was a wildly popular book turned movie written by Steve Harvey. The message was “Ladies, listen to how you find out what kind of man you’re dealing with, preserve conventional/western standards of femininity, and get/keep the man you want.”  I thought it was WILD. Grown ass adults (I’m talking homeowners, pension account holders, Frankie Beverly and Maze listening adults) were caught up in the conversations.  People were obsessed with generalizing.  Women act like this.  Men act like this.  Love and relationships are games to play.  It was entertaining but people took these concepts and treated them as the gospel.  Instead of treating each new romantic interest as a person, a whole person with their own interests, their own journey, and their own personality, they were to boxed into one of two groups - “woman” or “man.”

We’re gonna speed this train up.

2020 - Clubhouse: Let’s Talk About Dating Instead of Actually Doing It

Fast forward to year 2020. People were bored in their homes.  As a result we saw virtual parties, Verzuz Music Battles, and Clubhouse.  Clubhouse was the app that allowed you to partake in isolated chambers of conversations centered around one topic.  There were Clubhouse rooms about yoga and guided meditation, vocal auditions for creatives, and investment chats.

Thousands of strangers came together to chat at any point in the day.  And can ya guess the rooms that were the most popular? The dating themed rooms.  Participants were all too thrilled to talk about what’s wrong with the “opposite” sex in the dating world.  As the pandemic lost its punch, so did the Clubhouse app.  But the discourse was just getting started.

2021 - Dating Influencers & Femininity/Masculinity Coaches

The moderators and panelists on the Clubhouse “stage” gained followers.  Youtube channels, Podcasts (groans heavily), and Instagram Lives, manifested from this mobility.  I saw the surge of dating personalities, femininity coaches, and masculinity mentors.  I mean there were actual influencers in dating.  Personalities like Shera Seven and Kevin Samuels became staple cookouts or Thanksgiving talk.  Terms like “high value men” and “high value women” began to surface.  Questions like “what do you bring to the table?” became expected and anticipated questions for first dates (you read that right - not just for job interviews, not for a business negotiation - a date).  

Then the conversations moved to what’s wrong with another gender’s expectations and behavior in dating.  The hyperfixation was on what people WOULD NOT date.

“I don’t date fat women.” 

“I don’t date men with kids.” 

“I only date women who go 50/50.” 

“I don’t date men who don’t send flowers” on the first date.”

Okay. Sheesh.

2023 - Evangelists, Crusaders, and Conversion Therapy 

I noticed things really took a turn in early 2023.  With everyone expressing what they WON’T date, a new logic manifested.  The logic? “If I am attracted to you, you need to like what I like, date how I date, and operate in relationships how I like to operate in romantic spaces.” 

“What’s wrong with Cheesecake Factory?!” [nothing, go.]

“What’s wrong with splitting bills 50/50?!” [nothing, do it.]

“Why should I go out in the world, work hard, and you sit at home?!” [If you don’t want that, pick a partner who values working.]

“Why would I date someone who didn’t take me shopping?!” [you shouldn’t, if you don’t want to.]

“Why would you take me to Cheesecake Factory on the first date?! Do I look like Cheesecake Factory material?!” [I don’t know how to answer that question, but don’t go then.]

“How is a link-up at a coffee shop a date?” [It may not be for you. That’s okay.  Date someone who also believes this.]

2024 - Date More, Talk Less

A proposal.  Keep your philosophies, your standards, and your ideals.  But drop the crusade.  Instead of trying to convert people to the church of your dating philosophy, why not date someone who will accept you and your preferences? 

“Because it’s fun to talk to strangers on the internet.”

“Because it’s a cheap and easy subject for social media engagement.”

“Because I’m bored.”

“Because deep down, I know that I need to get myself together (finances, fitness, prayer life, career, family, etc.) and instead of looking inward, I need someone to divert this resentment onto.”

“Because I’ve been scorned by someone of the ‘opposite’ sex.  So it’s easier for me to hate all people of that sex, instead of doing the work of healing and compartmentalizing.”

“Because I’m not physically attracted to the people who like what I like/want what I want.”

Y’all don’t hear me, you just want to dance.