05.18.2021 - "What if the Best Isn't Yet To Come?"
“Unfortunately, the team has decided to move forward with another candidate.” I choked. In order to compose myself, I pretended that my cell phone service was shotty. “Could you repeat that? You were breaking up.” He repeated the daggering statement.
After 2 interviews, 3 months, 8 emails, 2 phone calls, and countless hours in prep time, I had been rejected again. Now to be fair, rejection is nothing new to me at this point in my life. In fact, this is the 2nd or 3rd situation where I’d been a finalist. “Congratulations! You are a top candidate for this position. Please use the link to schedule your next interview.” This message is cruel. Instead of giving people a sense of security, employers should say “Don’t get too excited because we’re not quite sure but we’d like to schedule an interview.” This opportunity felt different than the others. [Am I talking about a man or a job?] It was for a tech company with amazing benefits. The position was incredible - as if it was tailored for my experience. After practically hunting the recruiter down, lamenting on multiple occasions to my friends, coordinating my current [two] job[s] while applying to others, I was told “no.”
I sat at my desk and cried. The cry was a continuation of a breakdown I had the Sunday afternoon before. It came from reflecting on the last decade. The last decade had some beautiful moments but the common denominator was pain, struggle, and grind. That was the default setting. I served communities and helped people. It was noble but the truth? I was just as financially destitute as my clients. I was over worked. I was unhealthy.
Now, I see my friends who enjoyed their twenties making double what I make. I made a mistake. I made the wrong decision. I don’t know what is next but it cannot be this. I had job applications pending at other places - places I wanted to work. But did I have what it took to do this again? To interview, to follow-up, to have faith that something better is coming? I don’t.
What hurt more than the phone call was the response from my family and friends. I sent a text “Good News: I got in touch with the recruiter. Bad News: They went with another candidate.” My mother sent me scriptures, my dad sent me motivational messages, my friends and sisters sent angry texts and then built me up. All of the texts suggested that something better was coming. But was it?
After a decade of hoping for something better, I am overweight, exhausted, burned out, in a mountain of student debt.
And even if something better is on its way, do I have the strength to see it? to hope for it? to believe for it? to prepare for it?
People at my job noticed I was in pain. They ask “what’s wrong?” and of course I cannot tell them. I cannot say that I feel so disappointed and hurt that I hoped for a brighter future and financial freedom in the lap of another employer. All the while, my mom and dad continue to text.
I felt stuck. I wasn’t sure that God wanted the best for me anymore. Maybe “the best” was only reserved for a few people in the world. Maybe He’s run out of “the best” and He gives “the worst” or in my case, “the barely manageable” to me.
So what do I do now? Chances are that you’re reading this blog with the same sentiments I had [or you’re nosy].
Feel how you feel. If you keep good people around you, their goal will be to fast-forward you through your sentiments and get you to that “bounce-back” period. People will attempt to make you feel better immediately. They’ll remind you that another job is coming and that you are amazing. You will feel inclined to suppress your sentiments. You’ll feel guilty for feeling down. Rarely do people leave space for you to feel bad for yourself [no pity parties]. Throw yourself the biggest pity party. Cry. Feel bad for yourself. But calendar it. I give myself a week to recover from the blow of career rejection. It isn’t healthy to not feel angst, anger, or even resentment to the people who made you dance for their validation.
Be honest. Talk to someone about how you feel. Some say therapy. Others say friends. Maybe write a blog [heehee]. But don’t try to act almighty. “They” made you angry. “They” made you feel less than. “They” had you f*cked up. It’s okay to be mad at yourself. Just be honest with yourself.
Take the call. Most of the employers who rejected me ended the call or email with an opportunity for feedback. It’s easy to say “I never want to speak to you again.” Don’t do that. Take the call. Before the call, list your questions. Not “why didn’t you hire me?” questions but more “I’m interviewing for roles that are a lot like this one. What guidance can you provide based on my application and interview?” Their feedback may be helpful/it may not be. Take it and ask them to consider you for other positions. Add them on LinkedIn. Consider them an addition to your network. Take them out on their offer to “reach out if see any other positions that interest you.”
Don’t question shit. Work is just that, work. The workplace, position, pay, and team that best suits you will soon greet you with a “It is with great pleasure that we offer you the position of…” You don’t have to believe today, tomorrow, or even next month. I get it. It gets bleak. But it is coming. Don’t question YOURSELF. Sure, maybe there’s a certification you could consider. Maybe you can rework your resume. But the foundation is there. Stay off instagram [the land where everyone is flourishing]. Don’t fall in the temptation of comparison. Don’t question yourself. Soon you’ll look back at this blog and giggle [or at least sigh]. Until then, keep people around who can have faith for you when you cannot.
