Best Practice Advisory : Dating In A Pandemic

Don’t do it. Thank you for reading. Kidding.

I am single. [Not to be read as “I am lonely.” or “I live an empty life.”] Up until the quarantining went into effect, I enjoyed parties, time with friends, traveling, visiting family, nights on the town, and even dating.

In March, when parts of America began to take the pandemic seriously, I got invited to a plethora of “House Party” virtual happy hours, Zoom Birthday Parties, and even outdoor events. [I hate the outdoors, so I always kept bug spray in my purse]. At this point, we’re all holding out ignorant hope that this would all be over before the end of the summer.

As June and July hit, we learned more about how the virus was spread. We learned about how easily the virus travels inside closed venues/buildings. Unless we were CERTAIN of someone’s activities or day-to-day interactions, it wasn’t safe to be in a 6-ft radius of them without a mask. At this point, I decide that anyone who reaches out to meet up doesn’t care about my health or theirs! I ignore the calls/texts. You know the ones -

It’s been awhile, are you free for a drink?

Let me take you to dinner. I promise I don’t have the virus.

Can I see you sometime soon?

August & September roll around and it’s still considerably a decent summer. My girls and I can go to outdoor restaurants or rooftops. We can enjoy my balcony or the pool. We can even go to a park [rolls eyes].

October and then November arrive. It’s cold. There are now curfews. I consider the dating apps. I hate dating apps. They are strange. People are so good at curating the best person that they can. I even wonder if my app profile is really me. I’m skeptical of every person who tells me, “Yea, I graduated from Howard Law” or “my favorite color is blue.” This is silly. At this point, I know the impact of the pandemic won’t be over until 2022. Yea, there are talks of the vaccine, but no one in the Black community is willing to take it. You’re telling me that I’m supposed to meet someone on this app, hope they are who they say they are, and build a connection all through video?! This is against EVERYTHING they taught us in the “Stranger Danger for Kids: Chat Room Edition” video.

So I ask my other friends for advice.

Married/Engaged/Relationship’d Friends’ advice looks something like this: “Just give the dating apps a try. You never know - just give the guy a chance!” “You know my cousin’s line sister’s best friend, met her husband on Tinder.“

Single Friends? Well, some have been successful in meeting up with dates on these apps. Some of my friends have sought out verified matchmakers. Most of my single friends have just gotten back with their exes.

My advice?

1) Wait until 2022. No? Can’t wait? Move to #2.

2) Computer Love.

If the thought of meeting someone for the first time through facetime makes your skin crawl, you’re not alone. I like low light. I like alluring music. I like candles (faux or real). I LOVE NEW FOOD. I like distant laughter. I like assessing body language. I like flirting. The thought that I could meet someone and skip all of that makes me itch. I’m getting to know someone on facetime from my home? Gross. But safety is key here.

Try your best to know what you’re looking for BEFORE you register for any app or dating website. Do not lower standards or the bar for what it is you want. Continue to trust your intuition.

Dating apps are set up so that you don’t have to share your phone number. You can use the app to video call someone now. As much as it pains me to think about, the video method is probably safest [COVID-wise].

3) Stay Outside.

If you must meet in-person, look up venues that still allow outdoor seating and socially distant situations. Call the restaurant ahead of time to ask about their COVID policies. Make a reservation and specifically request outdoor seating. Bring wipes to clean the table. Buy a shield so that when you remove your mask to eat or drink there is still some protection between you and your date. It’s not the cutest option, but we’re in a pandemic.

4) Get Tested.

Usually when we think of medical testing as it relates to a romantic partner, we’re thinking of something a little different. If you’re thinking of seeing a date face-to-face, it’s probably best that you both get COVID testing done. Please remember that a lot of centers are overwhelmed with people who experience symptoms/need help. Assess the capacity of all of the centers and clinics who are conducting testing near you. Ask your partner if they’d be willing/can get tested before the date. Ask if they’d be willing to provide proof of the date of testing and the results before you meet up. [Please note: Even if a person is tested, they can contract the virus between the issuance of the results and your date. Again, see the CDC website for more information].

What are your tips for dating in a pandemic?

I am not a physician nor medical professional. For more information on COVID-19 please visit the CDC website at https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/index.html.