Best Practice Advisory: The Art of Being A Bridesmaid
Ah there it is. The “Will You Be My Bridesmaid?” Box. Your friend has found happiness with the love of her life and you’re now being solicited to be there on her big day…and at her bridal party…and at her bachelorette getaway. Now if you’re lucky, you’ll know all the bridesmaids, the budget, and you’ll have all your bearings. In case you need a little help navigating Bridesmaidship, here’s some quick advice:
For the territorial bridesmaid - Be open and kind to the bridesmaids you haven’t met.
You are the bridesmaid who cherishes your friendship with the bride. The first #BrideSquad conference call can feel contrived. Everyone goes around and says their name, where they’re from, and how they met the bride. There is always ONE bridesmaid whose story is longer or deeper than the other bridesmaids. There will always be someone who will volunteer to take on a bigger project than the others. Try not to think of this experience as a competition. Your love for the bride will not be overlooked or lessened by her having other friends. Instead, give the other girls the benefit of your kindness. Enter each meeting or call with optimism (or at least a compliment). You may walk away with new friends in the experience. If you genuinely don’t like the other girls, then you can say you gave it fair a shot (also skip to #5).
2. For the eager bridesmaid - Be fair and reflective.
You are the bridesmaid who LIVES for weddings, baby showers, and family celebrations! You’ve already decided how to decorate the bridal shower, created a Pinterest board, and decided what games you’ll play during the bachelorette weekend. Please know that not everyone shares that enthusiasm. True, everyone loves the bride but people have lives - work, families, and possibly other weddings. Make sure that your timelines are fair. Give the other bridesmaids plenty of time to respond to your inquiries. Try to limit your texts and emails. Make each message meaningful so you can get what you need to support the bride.
3. For the cheap bridesmaid - Know your budget & be on time with payments.
You are the bridesmaid who doesn’t enjoy spending money. It’s time to be realistic. Hopefully the bride and the maid of honor are upfront about costs and timelines. If you are penny pinching, avoid putting your card down without receiving payments from everyone. The person who fronts the cost of the hotel room, the VIP section, or the boozy brunch stands the chance of never receiving the money they are owed. Venmo, Cashapp, and PayPal all exist to make being a bridesmaid easier. If you must front the money, just know that someone might be late with payments and may even show up to the bridal shower without an explanation about her “missed payment.”
Bridesmaids on the other side of the transactions: Make sure you’re timely with payments. If you cannot be timely then be vocal. Give fair warnings of delinquent payments and provide a new time for payment.
4. For the busy bridesmaid - Complain to your other friends.
This is for the bridesmaid who is booked and busy. Please note: you will be annoyed. There will be days where the #BrideSquad GroupMe texts are coming in more frequently than desired. There will be days where the constant talk about boozy brunches, personalized glasses, or updos vs. mermaid waves will be all too much. Don’t complain to the bride. She’s dealing with guest lists, lighting, and the cousin of a cousin who didn’t get an invite to the wedding. This is the time to tap into your other “friendship resources.” Talk to your friends from college, your sorority sister, or your other trusted colleagues. But be sure to respond to the #BrideSquad chat from time to time (at least with an emoji).
5. For every bridesmaid - Remember your friendship.
The #BrideSquad is all about celebrating the bride’s new union. The bride wants you to stand by her side in that celebration. Remember the root of your friendship and enjoy yourself!
