The Veruca Salt Syndrome - "I Want It NOW!"

When I was younger, my mom used to tease me and call me Veruca Salt - the British brat with the perfect attitude on life.  "I want it now." 

Honestly, I thought she had the right approach on life.  She didn't care what people thought of her.  She didn't care about other people's feelings.  She demanded what she wanted, how she wanted it, and expected it within minutes of her request.  She didn't care how impossible the task was, or how many other people were in line to get it.  Up until the infamous "Golden Goose Egg" scene where she fell into the garbage shoot, this approach worked for her.  I realize that while I am considerate (sometimes all-too considerate) of people's feelings, I am still Veruca Salt.

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This is the first time in my life where I'm not in school.  I expected that post-graduation I would have thousands in my checking and savings, I'd be traveling once a month, have an apartment or loft (maybe a roommate), an amazing job where I clearly would be mobilizing, great hair, shopping every weekend, and maybe even a puppy. (Laugh Out Loud, Right?!)

I think almost everyone has an idea of what their life is going to be.  They may not know exactly how to get there, but it's there.  It makes sense right? You put in the work, you obviously seek the manifestation and fruits of labor soon afterwards. (Eh, nature doesn't even work like this.)

After 7 years of schooling; 3 months of bar preparation; 2.5 months of waiting on results; working as a legal assistant and retail; living with my parents; and struggling, I thought that all my worries would end October 30th.  It was on that day, that I would have arrived!

"Dear Ms. Gore: We regret to inform you that you did not receive enough points to achieve a passing score for the Virginia Bar Examination..."

Do you mean that I'll have to KEEP living like this?!? WHAT was the point of ALL that work?! EVERYONE else is having such a great time!!! WHY is this my life?!?

"Be patient."

o_O I was almost offended. My dear friend, Cathy Kuangu, gave me these simple instructions a few weeks before I received my bar results. After my belly aching, she explained what we all hear, but refuse to digest.  No success of the magnitude that I'm aiming to achieve comes quickly. 

Even if I had passed the bar, there would be something else I would feel immediately entitled to.  An immediate hire at a human rights firm, a salary reserved for those 10-15 years in the game, the perfect apartment, the list goes on and on.  All of the things I want to achieve come with time.  I cannot continue to lose sleep or peace of mind because I don't have what I want in hand.

I look at the women who I revere, Susan Rice, Michelle Obama, Hillary Clinton, Meryl Streep, Salma Hayek - all of these women worked hard for MANY years.  All of them attempted feats and weren't necessarily successful at their first try. First Lady Obama and Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton both failed the bar during their first try.  Meryl Streep was told that she was "too ugly" during auditions as a teenager.  Now that these women are beasts in their fields, it's hard to look at them and imagine a struggle story.  But if they allowed a failure or a bratty attitude to defeat them, they wouldn't be household names or "sheros."

As cliche as it sounds, I'm learning to enjoy this journey.  I know that God is preparing me for what is to come.   I'm combating the Veruca Salt in me, every hour on the hour.